like a felon

so remember how i told you that i was going to attempt to make jell-o centerpieces? well i did my practice run (thanks to lucy for the help and the laughs) and i will now show you just how difficult and time consuming it is to be rachael ray. ps, isn’t the way she spells rachael kind of weird? it’s like michael. but it’s rachael. anyway…

let us recall that this is the final product we were aiming for. no worries, we got there eventually, but not without much blood, sweat and tears. (disclaimer: no one was hurt in the making of this jell-o). since i didn’t want to end up using 80 pounds of gelatin, i decided to ignore rachael’s advice of halfing the water. why would i doubt the expert? well shut up it worked out just fine.

here is how you produce creative genius:

1. get some measuring utensils 

 

 

 

 

 

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2. make some jell-o. this involves dumping packets of jell-o (of various flavors, and therefore colors) into 1 cup of boiling water and then adding 1 cup of cold water. now you see why there were three measuring devices. we used three different flavors – strawberry kiwi for a nice pink, lemon for yellow, and i wanted blue so i just used regular gelatin and put a drop of blue food coloring in it. could i have used blueberry jell-o? no, because they do not make that. or at least they do not sell it at publix. they make mixed berry or wild berry or berry blast or whatever it’s called but that particular flavor is damn expensive, so food coloring it is.

also, i would like to say to whoever purchased ALL THE PLAIN GELATIN from publix and thus made me drive ALL the WAY to WINN-DIXIE, you suck. YOU SUCK.

2b. once you have dumped the jell-o in the water, you must stir it – hence the picture demonstration. if you do not have three hands, most people do not, then you really should have someone help you. or maybe supervise you because you are basically a small child. same thing.

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3. put your attractive jell-o into the fridge while flashing an equally attractive smile.

this is also why you need an extra person – to take quality (read: blurry as hell) photos of you putting your jell-o in the fridge.

 

also, since we did not follow rachael’s advice of using half the amount of water, this jell-o took a solid (HA i really did not intend this pun) 2 hours to halfway solidify instead of the directed 30 minutes. awesome.

 

 

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4. while waiting for your jell-o to semi-solidify, you should prepare the things that you will later poke into the hell-o. some things that you can use are flowers and lemon slices. 

we picked yellow things because we figured that they would show up nicely in our chosen jell-o colors.

we also used blueberries, but those proved to be quite difficult to poke with chopsticks…

 

 

 

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4a. while you are still waiting for your hell-o to solidify (because you thought it would take 30 minutes, not 2 hours) you should probably entertain yourself. rock band is an excellent choice.

 

in fact, if you spend enough time practicing your skills, like maybe 2 hours?, you will be able to master difficult songs on the expert level. suck it, AFI.

 

 

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5. when the hell-o (see what i did there?) has finally solidified enough, you can take it out of the fridge and poke things into it. we used chopsticks for this task. you could also use a sharp stick that you found in your backyard. just make sure you don’t eat the jell-o later…

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6. once you are done poking stuff into your jell-o, you should put it back in the fridge and let it harden all the way. then you will finally have this:

 

 

and then you will be very proud because that just took you an unparalleled 4 hours.

 

 

rachael never said it would be this hard.

if you decide to do this at home, you should not call me. i will not help you. in fact, i will run screaming in the other direction.

– c

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